When I was still partying, I used to keep a journal of my feelings and thoughts to help me to remember things that I was doing. This entry was written on 4/11/05 (my birthday) and was towards then end of my partying. I don’t remember writing this entry or much of April and May. I never knew that being so empty inside could weigh so much!!!
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Waiting for these crystals (of Meth) to dissolve in my spoon called life. I crush down the glass-like chunks, just like my dreams. Breaking down the pieces into smaller and smaller slivers of meth, they splinter and shadier all my integrity and self being. This is a SLOW death and I know how all this is going to end but I still continue on with the insanity. Sitting in my car (the place that I also call home) I'm waiting for the meth to dissolve, All my dreams, All my hopes and all of my future is also being disintegrated. Then to be filtered (Like my future) through a cotton ball, the liquid solution is sucked up (like my face) with a needle. Then slammed into my vain so that I can fill the void in my sole that has been SCREAMING for help all my adult life. I know that I can't take much more of this, I'm to intelligent for all this kind shit but here I sit, waiting for my meth & life to dissolve.
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